How to Change Your Expectations in Life

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Have you ever worked on a project with someone and the person you were working with didn’t live up to your expectations? Maybe they didn’t do the work that you both agreed on. Maybe they did the work but it just wasn’t good enough or done right. Or it could be that the work was finished but you both had different expectations of the main goal.

However it happens, it’s usually pretty frustrating when things don’t go as planned.

I was working on a project with another person when I realized, after I stepped in to take care of something within the project, some things were changed that I had no knowledge of. This made me feel left out of the project and since we had both worked great up to this point, I was really bothered by it.

Then, how I handled the situation caused me some regret. It caused my counterpart to reconsider being a part of our project due to my actions. She felt my initial response to be both harsh and rude.

My reaction to this was not how I should have handled it. I felt horrible that she felt this way. I knew I needed to change so this never happened again.

 

 

My Inspiration

 

Then, a short time later, after a recommendation from a friend, I started reading a book that made me realize why I got so upset with her. It was due to the expectations I had for her and our project. I expected things to be a certain way and when they weren’t, I got upset and reacted harshly.

The book that I was reading was “UnFu*k Yourself: Get Out of Your Head and Into Your Life”, by Gary John Bishop.

In this book, Gary talks about our expectations of things. He says to expect nothing and to accept everything. That is not what I did here. I didn’t expect things to change within our project and that’s why I got so upset. Had I not been expecting things to go a certain way, I could have accepted that things had changed and gone about it differently.

Instead of going on the attack, I could have asked more questions. There are always two sides to every story. I wish I would have acknowledged that and given my counterpart a chance.

 

Expect Nothing. Accept Everything.

 

Although this is the ideal way of viewing situations as they arise, it isn’t always easy to do. Our whole life, we have expectations for how we think things will happen. We try our best to live life “comfortably” this way.

But when something happens that is out of our control, most times, we struggle. We struggle because of our expectations. We expected something to go the way we want and when it doesn’t, we might have a difficult time with it.

“Many of the difficulties and complications in your life are the direct result of expectations that you have or have had.”

Gary John Bishop says it best here. The difficulties that I had with the project were the result of the high expectations I had. It had nothing to do with anything she had done.

When I realized this, it really changed the way I view things in my life. I expect a lot of things in my life and when they don’t go right, I’m not happy about it.

In my experience, I should have accepted how the project had taken place and addressed any concerns that I saw. I should not have allowed my expectations to take over and rule how I would react to this.

Gary went on to say, “You won’t believe how much your interactions with other people will improve the moment you let go of expecting, the instant you learn to accept things as they happen. “

 

Look Into Your Life

 

Look at your own life. Are there any expectations you have that are failing? I’m guessing there probably are. Try this exercise from the book.

Think back to the last time you were angry with someone. Do you remember a time?

Now, really look into that situation and you’ll see that your anger was a direct result of an expectation you had. But how do you uncover these hidden expectations?

It’s time to be honest with yourself. Take a certain situation and write how you had expected it to go. Add as much detail as you can.

Next, on another piece of paper, describe how this situation actually turned out. How did you handle it? Be very descriptive. Explain how it got this way and how it makes you feel having to deal with it.

What do you notice? Is it your expectations that caused you to struggle?

 

Make Changes

 

My challenge for you is to try to look past your expectations and see things as they are. This could be with a bad relationship, a crappy job, or a struggle with losing weight. Ask yourself why are you failing?

This book was the inspiration I needed to wake up and realize my faults. And it’s not hard to change, you just have to take notice when you’re expecting something and not allow any negative feelings to control you.

I believe you can do this if you want to change. Read the book if you need more inspiration and help. It was an eye-opener for me!

What’s your biggest struggle in life? Let me know in the comments below.